sadistic tendencies

†•there’s nothing that won’t change.. there’s nothing that wouldn’t end.. that’s just the way things are..•†

i don’t know what it is.. but i’m tormented by this uneasiness everyday.. my heart is murmuring.. that’s why i want to tear at it until blood spills…

just got out of the hospital.. well, actually, it was my mother who had undergone an operation.. and i accompanied her there at the hospital.. so, that’s the reason why i’ve been gone for like.. 5 days.. hehe.. ^_~v anyways, many things happened while we’re there.. well, actually, not so many.. haha!! ‘coz all i do there was eat, sleep, watch TV, talk on the phone.. haha!! well, of course, i also helped my mom.. ^_^

hmm.. actually, my friends are supposed to visit at the hospital.. but then, something hit me.. and i didn’t want them to come anymore.. i don’t know why it did at that time, but it really did.. i was really affected by that thought.. i kept thinking about it and developed a headache.. damn it.. *sigh* i guess it really did bug me.. i mean, i was always staring at space.. i didn’t know what to do or say.. it just hit me.. i know.. right then and there.. that those were emotions larger than any sin and sweeter than any punishment..

*sigh*

i don’t really know why i thought of those things at that time.. it’s just that i really thought of it.. it was just stuck on my mind.. but then, after a day, i was back to normal.. smiling and laughing.. and i decided to just stop thinking about it.. because it won’t do me any good.. ahihi..^^ so, that’s it..

okay.. so, i think that’s it.. oh, by the way, that thought.. that feeling.. it was jealousy..

"Nobody can stop the flow of time, but a moment captured in the frame of the heart will never disappear. That will be shown at the bottom of their hearts will always give off a great feeling.. sweet.. and bitter…"

†•it’s just that.. i thought everything CHANGED..•†

if it wasn’t for that stupid dream, i would be relaxed as ever.. but recently, it’s all i’ve been thinking about.. damn it all.. i am getting perverted.. O_o;; *sigh* his face.. everything about him.. and every time i close my eyes, i see him.. his figure above me.. and me, writhing, below him.. it felt so real.. sweat dripping from his face.. those eyes that drown me in them.. his sweet voice saying my name over and over again.. waaaaaaaa.. i am getting perverted.. i can’t believe this!! i crave for him!! waaaaaaa.. i don’t want this!! i don’t want any of this.. i know i can live without him!! but then.. why am i having this dreams and day dreams?? damn it..

>.<;; i really don’t know what has gotten into me.. now, all i think about is his slick, sweaty body.. his eyes.. his voice.. his smile.. my hips working with his.. how he can make me want him more.. waaaaaaaa!! why am i thinking of those things?!?! waaaaaaaa.. O_o;; what’s happening to me?? T__T i am really getting perverted..

i just hope that these thoughts disappear before the starting of the school year.. damn it all.. >.<;;

†•weird.. it felt so real..•†

well, it felt so weird.. i had this dream.. O_o;; and get this.. about.. HIM.. i can’t believe i was so disappointed when i woke up from that dream.. *sigh* but it’s true.. i did felt disappointed when i knew that it was just a drem.. T_T awww.. what’s happening to me?! am i getting perverted or something?! O_o;; damn it.. well, you see.. perverted is really the RIGHT WORD for me right now.. T_T i mean, to have a dream like that.. >.<;; anyways, just let me tell you what happened in my dream.. O_o;;

i don’t really recall when where or how it all started.. all i remember was that HE and i were on the bed snuggling together.. and we were on my sister’s room.. then, i don’t know how but then we got outside.. and.. i saw my mother walking past us.. then, she told us to have a good night.. and it was good to have HIM stay over.. [he was staying over?! and we're going to sleep together?! in one bed?! well, of course it made sense that we were at my sister's room 'coz she was still gone.. remember, she went to europe..] anyways, we then took a bath together.. [what?! together?!] well, yeah it felt weird.. you see, it was not hard to imagine what his naked body would look like.. besides, i don’t need to imagine at all.. ‘coz i’ve sen it.. ^_~v hehe.. after taking a bath, we went to my sister’s room again and started to dress.. [why dress up when we're going to sleep anyway?!] haha!! [i was really angry about the clothes.. see?! i'm really turning PERVERTED!!] and so, we went to bed and he hugged me i hugged him back.. we kissed.. softly at first, then probing with HIS tongue.. i opened my mouth and used my tongue as well, working at HIS mouth.. and then our kiss became fierce.. and then.. when he was about to undress me, when i was hoping for MORE, it stopped.. i woke up..

damn it!! why do i always have to make up at the good part..?! damn it!! anyways, i’m so frustrated now so i’ll stop with this entry.. haha!! just guess who that GUY is.. haha!!

’nuff said.. bye!!