do you even know how much it hurts??
†•it was as if something struck me.. it was as if i was dreaming all this time..•†
weird.. i feel like dying right now.. it was such a long time since i felt this way.. this way.. funny.. i feel like it’s my entire fault, even though it’s not.. do you even know how i’m feeling right now?? it’s hard to explain.. right now, i just feel like i want to be gone.. i just want to.. fade away.. i feel like i’m the unluckiest person alive.. the heck, i hate living’ in this damn world.. i want to die.. right now!! right at this moment, i want to be struck by lightning, or shot by a gun, even if it’s just an accident.. i just.. want to.. die.. i just wish that i was never born in this world..
weird.. i feel like killing myself.. the hell, i already tried it several times before, but i still couldn’t make the wound deep enough to cut my wrist and be dead.. maybe it was stupid to cut my wrist.. to throw away everything.. these 14 years of my life.. you’ll say that i earned it.. well, guess what.. i DON’T want it!! this life.. everything that’s in it.. i hate everything that has to do with this damn life that i have!! i just.. want to.. fade away..
weird.. it hurts.. to be this way.. to be crying without knowing a reason.. to feel like you’re not needed..
do you even wonder why i’m always in a fight?? ‘coz for me, it’s a sign that someone still recognizes me.. maybe i was afraid to be forgotten.. that’s why i strived to be in this place.. to be where i am now.. but.. right now, all i want is to.. fade away..
do you know that it’s hard to wake up every morning and know that no one’s waiting for me?? knowing that no one’s even looking forward to seeing me.. my smiling face.. it has no meaning now.. i feel like shit right now than ever.. i’m nobody in this damn world.. in this miserable world..!! i hate this!! i hate my life!! i hate everything in my life!!
do you even know what it feels like to be alone?? weird.. there are so many people around me.. sure, people who always smile and say "hi" to me.. sure, they recognize me.. sure, they seem like they’re waiting for me.. but everything in this world is a lie.. nothing’s ever true.. i know it.. i’ve seen it.. the face of this UNREAL world.. believe it or not, even i don’t think my parents care for me anymore.. i have no importance in anybody’s life now.. so, why the hell be alive?!?!?
is this me crying right now?? weird.. i don’t know if it was because of this feeling.. or whatever.. but my tears just keep falling..
//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//~//
Turning way right back, the very hands of time,
And wishing that I, had then, made you mine.
For you were my heart’s only true treasure,
And endless many times, you gave me pleasure.
Making endless love, was a sweet past time indeed.
It was often only the morning that would intercede.
We must have shared, a whole lifetime together,
It should have went on, and perhaps lasted forever.
Did you ever really know my heart loved you so?
Did you feel the same? Did love for you also grow?
For to have spent just one night, within your dreams,
Would have gave me a lifetime, or loving it seems.
For you were simply but a schoolyards love crush,
And never ever knew, my heart loved you so much.
