i feel like i’m being eaten alive by this thing called “loneliness”..
†•it’s like life and fate.. it surprises you and tries to run you down with barely an ounce of regret..•†
last night, i cut my wrist.. i don’t really know why i did it.. i think i just felt like it at that time.. maybe because i wanted something where i can focus my attention to, rather than to anything else.. and having a cut on my wrist with the pain will be enough distraction from me.. yeah, i think that’s it.. but.. unfortunately, it didn’t take my mind off things.. it didn’t hurt at all at that time.. maybe i felt no pain because i was used to the feeling.. it didn’t sting me a bit, even when i took a bath..
the truth is i didn’t want to go to school today.. i was feeling really tired and bored of school.. having school 5 times a week is really boring, you know.. i see the same faces, do the same things.. haha!! it’s funny, actually.. because i always feel like every scene at school happened already.. see?? it’s boring.. but still, i did go to school..
eiri finally went to school.. his fever was gone and he was feeling a little bit better.. i think.. but i also think that he doesn’t really want to attend school just like me.. it was sickening..
oh yeah that’s right.. ma’am hilda and i fought last thursday.. it was because i didn’t want to be a leader of a report group.. the hell.. i have been a leader of everything ever since i entered this school..!! i didn’t have enough rest.. i mean, i always have my commitments and stuffs.. they always expect me to do well in everything.. i’m also human, you know.. i also have my limitations.. and guess what?? that day was my borderline.. she told that "SHE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT THE OTHERS".. the hell with her!! [yeah, you guessed it right.. i was one of the so-called "OTHERS"] if she doesn’t care about me, then i don’t care about her!! i know that she’s my teacher, and i respect her.. but she has to respect me too.. because respect is supposed to be mutual among TEACHERS and STUDENTS.. and as if she doesn’t know about how i react about such things.. being a teacher is not an excuse to say that you don’t care about your other students.. if you’re a teacher, then you have the obligation to teach them!! i am willing to learn!! she just has to know how to act in front of us.. i know that i’m sensitive and i admit that i have a low EQ.. i easily get angry because of certain stuffs.. but i do fight for what i believe is right.. and i KNOW that i AM RIGHT!! she shouldn’t have said that!! we’re her STUDENTS, for God’s sake!!
oh well, it doesn’t matter.. *sigh* arghh!! my head hurts..
haha!! well, let’s continue from before.. it was dismissal time and one of the groups from the other class practiced until about 4:20 or so.. hehe.. i joined them because gacy and caren is in that group.. anyways, i thought of some things when i was in the jeep.. things that weren’t supposed to be thought about.. haha!! and well, my cuts at my wrist hurt.. and my attention was fully into it, because of the pain.. >_<;; wow, it really worked.. maybe it was really a good idea that i made those cuts..
but still, i felt as if LONELINESS is slowly taking me inside of its dark abyss..
