sadistic tendencies

†•i want to protect you and may that smile never waver..•†

well yesterday, we celebrated the LANGUAGE FEST in our school.. there were competitions like the INTERPRETATIVE DANCE and the ORATION.. xD our section, Regal, only practiced for 2 and a half grueling days to finish the steps for our interpretative dance.. we practiced almost non-stop.. xD

the TRUTH is, all of us made mistakes during the performance, and we thought that we wouldn’t win.. -_- we were so down.. so many mistakes.. too many..

3rd place went to II-Endurance..
2nd place went to I-Fortitude..
and 1st went to..

*drum roll*

III-Regal..!! xD

we weren’t really expecting anything.. all of us were holding hands and jumped at the same time when we won.. GRAND SLAM!! xD we hadn’t lost any dance competitions since the starting of this school year!! >.<;; our hardships paid of.. woohoo!! =3

*~BEFORE the competition~*

around 12:03pm.. we were still [we started at 7am] polishing every step and every move, but we’re not making too much progress.. we took a break and ate lunch..

i was lying down on the floor, my feet rested on a chair, while staring at the plain cream-colored ceiling.. really, i was BORED and DEAD TIRED.. my feet were so hurt [they still ARE].. i could barely stand.. after a few seconds of just pondering about what i should do with my feet, i heard some voices and i followed my ear.. i looked at the source of the voices.. and i stumbled upon an upside-down version of THEM [since i was looking back with my head still lying on the floor]..

i looked away and looked at the plain ceiling again, trying to find answers to my rambling head.. questions.. questions.. so many questions ran through my head.. and finally, i got an answer..

while remembering my tear-stained face as i cried during THOSE nights, i smiled, closed my eyes, sighed in relief, and thought, ‘i wish happiness will continue to embrace both of them always..‘

*~AFTER the competition~*

we, emz, brian and i went to angela’s house, ‘coz it was her birthday..^^ we ate and did things.. oh, cj and i stayed over night.. xD lawan also joined us!! haha.. =3

you see, after the guests from school left, we bought some drinks [san mig light], cigarettes [marlboro lights], and some other snacks.. angela welcomed another guy to join us.. i believe that his name’s JOPENG, but his real name is JC.. xD

anyways, all of us, except CJ who doesn’t like drinking, drank..^^ we played TRUTH or DARE and just had fun.. around 11pm, there was a brown-out, and we were like.. "oi.. NAWALAN ng ILAW!!" [there's a BROWN-OUT!!] O_o;; as some of you may know, i’m afraid of the dark.. and perfect timing, i wanted to go to the rest room.. -_-

i consumed a lot of beer.. haha!! i just kept on going and going.. hehe.. we slept at ’bout 1:30am, or at least i did.. i was DEAD TIRED and wanted SLEEP from the very beginning of the damn day.. i didn’t get enough sleep the last night, too.. so, FUCK OFF.. i NEEDED my SLEEP, and so i SLEPT.. haha!! xD

while i was sleeping, they were talking about some stuff.. and i remember waking up every once in a while and butting in their talks.. haha!! xD but, i only woke up for about 5 seconds to say something, then sleep again.. [i'm a total WEIRDo] haha.. =3

†•before this body vanishes, hold me tightly once more.. that’s my only wish..•†

i admit, i still cry often, and the weird thing is that i don’t know why.. maybe it’s just because of the song that i often listen to.. or.. maybe it’s something that i should have been over with already..

"the feeling of being unloved.. coming up, wave after wave, from the bottom of my being.."

maybe i still love him..

i ask myself countless times a day, but i always come up empty.. so i always conclude that i am MOVING ON.. but, am i really?

maybe that’s why i’ve been obsessively addicted to my "so-called" crushes, or rather, obsessions.. a way to avoid side comments from other people?? or a way to avoid people say things about me loving him.. *sigh*

or.. am i REALLY moving on?? i don’t know how i feel.. lately, i’ve been having mixed feelings with the things that i see, if you know what i mean..

"soba ni iru.. sore ga boku no kimi no tame ni dekiru koto.."

i’ll always be here.. that’s the one thing i can do for you..

he once said something close to that to me.. i guess it was some kind of a promise that he’ll never leave me.. but he left.. and i was hurt.. or STILL hurt.. i am so mad at him that sometimes, it still makes me fall on my knees and cry..

why was i so STUPID?! why did i BELIEVE him?! why did i LOVE him so MUCH?! why?!

yes, i AM mad at him, but i’m also mad at myself.. see? i’m still so naive.. the truth is i can’t let go.. i DID LET GO of HIM, but i can’t LET GO of the PAIN that he caused me.. the memory still crosses my mind, and a tear always makes its way down my cheek..

laughter..

maybe i was just LYING to MYSELF all this time.. i am so weak.. but i DON’T love him.. again with this denial, you say?? well this time, it’s FOR SURE..

you know, these last few days, i’ve been really weird, and kinda NOT MYSELF.. one moment, i frown, the next, i smile.. pure WEIRDness..

*sigh*

*cries*

it’s just NOT fair.. why do i have to GET HURT?! why can’t HE feel THIS FEELING?! why?!

see? i am becoming CRAZY..

just IGNORE this POST.. it’s FULL of nonsense.. really..

LAST SONG is one of gackt’s songs.. i lurve it.. it’s sad, yet beautiful at the same time..

REAL POST WITHOUT ANY NONSENSE:

i just realized that we, III-ReGaL, are really immature.. haha!! and to think that i thought that the teachers were sooo wrong to call us 1st graders.. maybe they were really right.. =3

setting: Rm 103
time: 3:00-3:45 [music time]

the dancers for the interpretative dance were practicing, and the other students were throwing things at each other.. O_o;; really immature.. they threw COTTONS, CLAYS, PAPERS, ERASERS, WATCHES, and other stuff.. >.<;;

well, at first, the teacher just told some students to stop it, but didn’t shout or anything like that.. THAT is until something hit her.. O_o;;

christine, raquel and i went to the CR to fix ourselves for about a minute, and when we came back, everyone was quiet.. haha!! i suddenly asked, "ba’t sila tumahimik?" [why did they suddenly become quiet?] and the teacher heard it.. she replied, "pinagalitan ko, kasi tinamaan ako ng binabato nila.." [i reprimanded them, because something hit me..]

haha!! xD we’ll be scolded tomorrow by our adviser.. i just KNOW it.. >.<;;

byebye.. =3

†•kimi no tame ni dekiru koto•†

ok, exams are finally over!! next stop.. FIELD TRIP.. xD well, it’s not really an exciting field trip.. -_- i already went to almost all of the places that we’re going to visit.. bummer.. T_T but still, it’ll be FUN ‘coz there’ll be no classes!! yeepee!! but we still have some school work.. O_o;; well, it IS supposed to be an educational trip, so it’s just normal to have SOME school work.. >.<;;

another thing.. i slept over at rojean’s place yesterday^^ t’was sooo much fun.. we slept early.. but woke up about an hour later.. then, we scared each other.. O_o;; ahehe.. we still had the time to watch naruto 142-167, and the 2 jump fiestas..^^ too bad we didn’t watch the movie and the last ep [168].. well, i already watched it, but she wanted to watch it.. @_@ oh well, it’s fine..^^ we had fun.. we played at the swings and see-saw.. haha!! xD

about the title?? well, i really LURVE gackt’s song "kimi no tame ni dekiru koto".. and well, it means.. what i can do for you.. it just makes me ermm.. nostalgic.. *sigh* oh well.. ^_^

well, that’s it, i think.. =3

†•pakshit!!•†

well, i just saw FMA The Movie, and Al’s sooooo CUTE!! xD he looks a bit like Ed ‘coz he made his hair grow long, wore ed’s coat and has the same color of Ed’s hair..

this is what AL looks like.. << click THAT to VIEW^^

and when i was listening to the opening song of it, i was like.. "hey, is that hyde’s voice, or am i just ermm.. imagining and hoping that it’s him??" xD then, i also heard the ending.. and i was like.. "i’m hearing hyde’s voice.. i need to sleep.. i’m imagining things.. hearing hyde’s voice.. ughh.."

i was curious to know if the one who sang it was really hyde.. so, i looked it up.. and TADA!! hyde sang it!! xD hahaha!!

niweiz, i just saw a vid of l’arc.. hyde’s soooo CUTE!! xD and tet-chan was just too darn adorable.. waiii.. >.<;; ken is sooo funny.. yuki’s a bit silent.. but i think he’s not always like that.. haha!! xD anyways, yuki’s a great drummer..^^

in that vid, hyde scooted a little bit closer to the interviewer [they're sitting at a sofa].. at that point, i was like, "FUCK, i wish i was that interviewer.." @_@ then, he asked her for a kiss, and she said NO.. OMG.. O_o;; if i was her, i would’ve kissed him right then and there.. arghhh!! i sooo would have liked how he tasted.. *drools* [creepy mode] @_@ here i go again.. i’m beginning to be a hyde-obsessed fan girl.. xD but he still asked HER for a KISS!! [i am soooo JEALOUS right now..] -_-

then, the girl gave hyde a gift.. she asked him if he liked it.. hyde said, "I WANT YOU.." [at that moment, time stopped..] T_T i would give everything to be THAT girl.. ARGHHH!! then, hyde started to take off his pants.. -_- well, he did NOT take it OFF.. he just reached for his ermm.. belt [if he was wearing one] or button and tried to undo it.. O_o;; and she STOPPED him..

wtf?! [ok, so that's why this entry's title is wtf..] *cries* she shouldn’t have stopped him.. *drools* i would have been happy if i’ve seen what’s inside.. *drools more* [ugh! creepy mode again..] @_@

*cries again* i wish i was that GIRL!! waaaa..

eniweiz, that won’t happen.. -_- and i’ll shut up now..

oh another thing, we have exams starting tomorrow up to friday..^^

ciao!

†•ichi-nii’s back!!•†

BLEACH 63 has been released yesterday, and i got to see ichi-nii once again.. xD ahihi..

right.. well, today, all of the high school students planted more vegetables and fruits at the backyard (more like a graveyeard) of FEU-FERN.. haha!! =3 well, it was HOT as HELL.. O_o;; i was expecting it to be a bit cooler, but even with the cold season, it was still hot.. >.<;;

the "can’t stop these tears" thing?? well, things happened today.. we were asked to draw what we truly feel, and today was the submission.. i think that i just reflected too much on my work.. then, some other things happened, and i was overwhelmed with the emotions..

*cries*

it kills me to know that i’m just lying to myself.. that i’m a fool for always putting on this mask.. i think that it’s a way for me to escape the truth.. how foolish..

i lied about being strong.. i am too weak to face what’s real.. *sigh* really.. TOO WEAK..

†•obsessed much?!•†

gah~ it’s already TUESDAY, and still no ichi-nii in sight!! O_o;; i miss him soo much.. well, i can’t really blame DB for anything.. ahihi.. xD oh well~ Lunar also hasn’t released it yet.. hmm.. wonder what’s wrong.. =3 i just miss ichi-nii.. xD well, DB already released naruto 166-167.. but bleach is taking sooo long.. -_- bummer.. nothing to do but listen to gackt and hyde’s wonderful voices.. wtf?! oh, by the way, does anyone of you know mana-"chan"?? xD

here’s mana..

xD the truth is, that person right there is NOT a girl.. it’s the BEST cross-dressing thing that i know.. i mean, he really looks like a girl.. O_o;; and he’s pretty too.. >.<;; beautiful?? i mean, HE does look like a girl, right?!

another thing.. ermm.. because we’re all noisy during discussions, our sir said that before starting the lesson in math, 2 of us have to tell a story.. xD the reason for that is for us to zip our mouths during discussion and just pour all of it out when it’s your time to talk.. i’m not THAT bothered by it.. but.. i think that it’ll feel awkward.. the telling-some-things-that-are-not-meant-to-be-told to other people who are NOT meant to be told.. *squirm* >.<;;

O_o;; i’m the 12th girl to tell a story.. hmm.. wonder what i’ll tell..

niweiz, i finished our english assignment, and here it is.. it’s an AD for THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN.. you see, we had to make an ad to make like ermm.. make people want to read it, too.. xD just click the link to view.. =3

Ad for English =3

bye bye!! xD

†•wtf..?! O_o;;•†

gay guys.. gay guys!! arghh.. they’re all around.. O_o;; i started ‘06 with my addiction to L’Arc.. now, i have an obsession.. xD gah~ i’m soooo obsessed with hyde [Hideto Takarai], the vocalist of L’Arc~en~Ciel.. i can’t believe this..

O_o;; some people say that he’s gay.. but.. he’s married.. and.. they have a son.. ermm.. but he does.. uhmm.. look like gay.. and all the rumors about him and gackt.. wahaha!! ‘coz of moon child.. haha!! but they do look cute together.. xD

gackt is by the way, an uber sexy guy, who looks like he’s gonna jump on anybody.. O_o;; but.. he’s still MALE.. dunno if he’s straight.. haha!! but.. he’s hott.. i mean.. uhh.. just see for yourself.. xD

one more uber sexy guy is MIYAVI.. >_<;;

this is miyavi..

^_^

ohhh i also like tet-chan [tetsu / Ogawa Tetsuya].. he looks sooo cute at the GRAND CROSS CONCLUSION 1999.. xD waiiii.. he’s sooo great at writing songs and all of those things.. =3

this is tet-chan..

but.. i still WANT hyde.. xD he’s gonna be 38 this 29th, but he still looks mighty young and gorgeous.. =3 he’s uber gorgeous.. and his voice.. aw gawds!! i lurve his voice soooo VERY much!! xD >.<;; that’s what got me into listening to L’Arc~en~Ciel’s songs.. i love the way he sings, the way he expresses it, the way he looks at me [it's an mtv.. so, he's looking at me.. haha!!].. and those eyes.. they’re so intense that when i look at them, it’s like.. i’m being drowned.. then i go into a trance, and i don’t want to look anywhere else but there..

i always look at his picture and stare at his eyes for a long time and just smile to myself, and i always say.. "fuck.. his damn eyes!! arghhh.." *closes picture* ~after 5 secs~ *opens pic AGAIN* "awww fuck.. again?!" @_@ it’s like i want to look at his eyes forever.. waaa..

sooo, tell me, am i obsessed, or just plain crazy?? -_-

niweiz, this is hyde..

ohhh.. and hyde kissing me.. bwahaha!!

this is one long entry.. maybe ‘cuz it’s about hyde and all the other uber gorgeous and sexy j-rock guys out there.. not to mention gay.. haha!! xD well, they’re not really gay.. but some peope think they are.. i don’t.. ‘cuz i lurve all of them.. =3

gah~ this day has been a day full of HYDE.. i gotta stop now.. i freaked out one of my friends ‘coz of my obsession.. O_o;; wtf.. ahehe..

’nuff said..

†•addiction..•†

i started the new year with an addiction to L’Arc~en~Ciel.. >.<;; you see, we, joshua and i,  bought two CDs of L’Arc~en~Ciel for our friend [she's also addicted to L'Arc~en~Ciel].. ‘coz of curiosity, i watched the blurry eyes video, ‘coz i’ve always loved the song, and LOVED hyde-sama xooo much.. xD waii..^^ [fuck, i'm calling him sama? O_o;;]

i lurve the way he sings.. ahihi.. xD [and the way he looks].. ahihi.. oh, and i also lurve  UVERworld.. hmm.. =3

school’s gonna resume tomorrow.. bummer.. -_- i dun wanna go to school.. but i NEED to, ‘coz  i know that sir arnold will get mad at me if i don’t.. O_o;;

niweiz, nuff said.. =3