last song..
†•before this body vanishes, hold me tightly once more.. that’s my only wish..•†
i admit, i still cry often, and the weird thing is that i don’t know why.. maybe it’s just because of the song that i often listen to.. or.. maybe it’s something that i should have been over with already..
"the feeling of being unloved.. coming up, wave after wave, from the bottom of my being.."
maybe i still love him..
i ask myself countless times a day, but i always come up empty.. so i always conclude that i am MOVING ON.. but, am i really?
maybe that’s why i’ve been obsessively addicted to my "so-called" crushes, or rather, obsessions.. a way to avoid side comments from other people?? or a way to avoid people say things about me loving him.. *sigh*
or.. am i REALLY moving on?? i don’t know how i feel.. lately, i’ve been having mixed feelings with the things that i see, if you know what i mean..
"soba ni iru.. sore ga boku no kimi no tame ni dekiru koto.."
i’ll always be here.. that’s the one thing i can do for you..
he once said something close to that to me.. i guess it was some kind of a promise that he’ll never leave me.. but he left.. and i was hurt.. or STILL hurt.. i am so mad at him that sometimes, it still makes me fall on my knees and cry..
why was i so STUPID?! why did i BELIEVE him?! why did i LOVE him so MUCH?! why?!
yes, i AM mad at him, but i’m also mad at myself.. see? i’m still so naive.. the truth is i can’t let go.. i DID LET GO of HIM, but i can’t LET GO of the PAIN that he caused me.. the memory still crosses my mind, and a tear always makes its way down my cheek..
laughter..
maybe i was just LYING to MYSELF all this time.. i am so weak.. but i DON’T love him.. again with this denial, you say?? well this time, it’s FOR SURE..
you know, these last few days, i’ve been really weird, and kinda NOT MYSELF.. one moment, i frown, the next, i smile.. pure WEIRDness..
*sigh*
*cries*
it’s just NOT fair.. why do i have to GET HURT?! why can’t HE feel THIS FEELING?! why?!
see? i am becoming CRAZY..
just IGNORE this POST.. it’s FULL of nonsense.. really..
LAST SONG is one of gackt’s songs.. i lurve it.. it’s sad, yet beautiful at the same time..
REAL POST WITHOUT ANY NONSENSE:
i just realized that we, III-ReGaL, are really immature.. haha!! and to think that i thought that the teachers were sooo wrong to call us 1st graders.. maybe they were really right.. =3
setting: Rm 103
time: 3:00-3:45 [music time]
the dancers for the interpretative dance were practicing, and the other students were throwing things at each other.. O_o;; really immature.. they threw COTTONS, CLAYS, PAPERS, ERASERS, WATCHES, and other stuff.. >.<;;
well, at first, the teacher just told some students to stop it, but didn’t shout or anything like that.. THAT is until something hit her.. O_o;;
christine, raquel and i went to the CR to fix ourselves for about a minute, and when we came back, everyone was quiet.. haha!! i suddenly asked, "ba’t sila tumahimik?" [why did they suddenly become quiet?] and the teacher heard it.. she replied, "pinagalitan ko, kasi tinamaan ako ng binabato nila.." [i reprimanded them, because something hit me..]
haha!! xD we’ll be scolded tomorrow by our adviser.. i just KNOW it.. >.<;;
byebye.. =3
