sadistic tendencies

†•tunay na kaibigan•†

my dad asked me to come with him to PINKNOISE today to do a recording.. we made a jingle for a certain product [that i can't talk about] hehe.. xD

of course, i agreed.. i’ve recorded a lot of jingles before, and i definitely need money right now for my review.. T_T

i was supposed to go there alone at 11am, but my dad said that we should just go there together.. i was still sleepy.. it was 9am.. gah~ i needed my sleep, but i got out of bed, and took a bath.. by 9:30am, i was dressed and ready to go.. but wait! i was hungry.. haha!! so, i ate last night’s dinner.. >_<;;

9:45am.. we left the house and went to PINKNOISE.. it’s a rare occasion when i’m the only one who’s recording out of us [3 children].. my brother can’t go because he has friends coming over, and my sister can’t go because she has classes.. so, ok, i was the only one who went.. [yeah, yeah.. i have no life.. dammit]

so, anyway, when we got there at 10am, i was still sleepy, but i was pleased and relieved that it was cold [as i expected].. i got inside the recording studio and lied down the sofa.. *sigh*

my father told me earlier that i can sleep there if i want, so i did.. and it was heaven.. xD it was cold, and the sofa was just comfy [even without pillows].. being a recording studio, people would think that i won’t be able to sleep because of the sound.. yes, it was loud, but i still slept.. [i was tired as hell]

after a while, i woke up.. my dad told me that i would sing a little bit later.. so, i slept again.. xD i woke up again, and slept.. woke up, and slept.. and finally, when i woke up, it was my time to sing.. it was about.. 11:45..

and the only lines that i had to sing were.. "tunay na kaibigan.." [true friend] and "buddy guard.." hahahah!! i finished quickly.. it wasn’t hard at all.. xD

after that, i slept more.. and then, i woke up at 1:45pm.. it was time to leave.. ^_^ my dad and i went to UP to withdraw 25k [it was HIS money, not MINE.. dammit].. then, he handed me 1000.. O_o;; and said, "here.. your payment.."

i remembered the last time that my sister and i sang, it was really easy for me.. and i mean, easy.. i just had to sing.. "ahhh.. ahhhhhh.." like that.. in a low voice.. like there’s no effort at all.. and he gave us 1k each.. O_o;;

but when i sang a difficult line, he just gave me 500!! >_<;; he’s sick..

wahaha!! yes!! i have money for my review!! *jumps*

after that, we went to chocolate kiss and ate.. xD and went home.. woot woot.. =3

†•4 grueling weeks of non-stop studying•†

we were supposed to meet at the JOLLIBEE near FCM yesterday morning and go to HOPE CHRISTIAN ACADEMY together to enroll for the review this summer mainly for UPCAT and ACET.. but.. gacy and gil decided to go first, so caren and i met there, and went together to the school..

going to that school is a pain in the ass.. damn.. i have to spend more than 60 pesos to go there, and about 40 to go back home.. damn..

*damn it*

[i wanna freakin' pass, so that for once, people will acknowledge my achievement.. it seems like being TOP 1 in high school isn't enough..]

this upcoming year [4th year], my last year in high school, i will still do my best and strive to be on top.. i will, because of only one reason.. it’s not for the scholarship [since i know that i'll be leaving next year for college, so there's no point], not for my parents’ acknowledgement [i know that even if i achieve greater things, those will still not be enough, so why bother], and not for those DVDs that i yearned for so much [wahaha!! i already got my mom to promise that she'll buy me those].. therefore, i will work hard for GACKT.. yeah, yeah.. i know that it’s weird, but.. what the heck?!

*and here i go again*

"i did great.." that’s what i thought when i ended up being the top1 in our batch..

"surely, someone will go for our recognition day.." what a stupid thing to hope for..

"i know they’ll be proud.." riiiiiiiight.. O_o;;

well, no one went.. haha!! isn’t it funny? being the top 1, expecting someone to go there, and no one came.. [but hey, that's life]

*and again..*

when i knew that no one will come to our recognition day, i finally realized that i’m just a burden.. you see, my sister studied at UP IS when she was in elem, at PSHS when she was in high school, and at UP Diliman now that she’s in college..

at that time, i said to myself.. "i wanna make Gackt proud.." [wahaha!! what the hell was i thinking??] but i stuck to my goal.. yes, it’s true.. he’s my inspiration, so why not make him my goal?? [there's nothing wrong with that..]

he’s great at everything.. and to me, his way of thinking is interesting.. and he also helped me.. a LOT..

*back to the review-thing*

our review will start on april 24 [monday], and will end on may 20 [saturday].. our schedule is monday to friday, from 8am - 12noon.. fuck fuck fuck.. O_o;; i don’t know if i can get up early.. >_<;; i’m used to sleeping late and waking up LATE.. i wake up at 10:30am, sleep again, wake up at 12 noon, sleep again, and wake up at 2pm.. when i don’t feel like getting out of bed, i sleep again.. @_@

damn.. how am i supposed to do this.. O_o;; anyway, i hope this review-thing will make my life more.. uhh.. interesting..

*one more thing..*

my DVD burner doesn’t freakin’ work!! *cries* when i burn a CD, it does.. but when i burn a DVD, it doesn’t.. O_o;; wtf?! huwaaaaaaaaaa.. *cries*

this sucks.. my life sucks.. yes, it does.. yes, pokemon doesn’t work.. and yes, i want to die so badly..

†•dream..•†

[A THOUSAND WINDS]

~unknown

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. There, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in the circled flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.

~//~

As long as we continue one’s dream, we hold the proof of one’s existence.
As long as we think of THAT person, that person will always be alive.. in our hearts.

~//~

"It’s always after when the person is gone… that I finally realize how precious that person was to me. Until then, I can’t even recognize how fleeting the moment could be." ~Gackt <3

Cherish every smile, laughter.. Make all the moments memorable, for we don’t know when DEATH will come.. And when it does, we can’t do anything but watch as our bodies deteriorate in its cruel palm..

When it finally decides to embrace me within its dark abyss, do not forget.. I dreamt, and will continue dreaming even after my time comes.. I will not forget, and so shall you..

SMILE, while saying our eternal goodbyes.. SMILE, while remembering the times we shared.. Instead of crying, SMILE..

as long as you don’t forget, i will continue to live on in your hearts..

when i come back.. i wonder if we can meet again..

*i will continue to watch over you, and make sure that you’ll be fine.. this time around, i’ll be the one who’ll give you strength.. i’ll be the one who’ll help you make it.. i love you, i know i’ll always do..*

†•riiiight..•†

well, i just uploaded a vid of Gackt and Kami [RIP] ~MM days~ xD.. gackt’s playing the piano, when kami entered the drums..

piano + drums are actually great..^^

niweiz, if you want to listen/download it, just click at the link below.. ^_^

Gackt + Kami [MU]

hmm.. well, nothing much happened.. xD just a whole lot of gackt here and there.. it’s sooo HOT.. O_o;; it’s like i’m being baked in a 400°C oven.. @_@

*sigh*

oh, right.. check out my LJ if you want.. *wink*

http://lhukhe09.livejournal.com

a word of caution to those who’re planning to step into that realm: it is full of GACKTOLICIOUSNESS.. nyahaha!! xD

ohh.. and i entitled this post "KAMI-SAMA" because of kami [RIP].. i am listening and taking glances at the live performance of EMU ~for my dear~.. *sigh* gackt looks like he’s going to cry.. =(

by the way.. "kami-sama" means GOD.. xD

†•the hell i care..•†

well, yesterday, my sister and i went to SM and bought pio his birthday gift!! xD haha.. we actually asked him what he wanted for his birthday and he said that he wanted a bike.. a maroon or dark blue one.. well, he thought that we were just joking about buying it.. but hey, we’re not.. =3

when we were at the bike shop and picked a bike, she said.. "huh?? kala ko gackt.." [huh?? i thought it was gackt..] i looked at her and raised my eyebrow.. she was looking at the bike.. i looked at the direction that she was looking at.. and.. there it was!! his glorious name!! well, minus the T.. haha!! in front of a bike, there was the name.. "GACK".. haha!! xD i was like.. "i am sooo going to buy that.." but i have no money.. T_T haha!! it was sooo fun.. but really, one day, i’ll buy that bike, add a T and ride it to my heart’s content.. xD

well, that’s what happened.. ahihi..^^

ohh.. right.. my penpal hyeyeon-ko’s letter arrived today!! xD haha.. =3

oh, and i also promised UBE that i will send the letter to gackt when i send my reply letter to hyeyeon.. xD

ohh.. ohhh.. and.. and.. i watched xxxHOLIC MOVIE.. haha!! it was actually connected to the TSUBASA CHRONICLES movie.. xD

these are screen caps from TSUBASA CHRONICLES MOVIE.. [click on them for a larger view]

this is when yuuko was already asking for the exchange..

this is the key that was given to syaoran to open the cage.. =3 [it's the key in xxxHOLIC] yuuko gave it to him in exchange for tomoyo’s precious thing.. xD

these are screenies from xxxHOLIC [click for a larger view]

syaoran called YUUKO to ask for something that can open the magic bird cage.. xD

yuuko showed him a key that can open the bird cage.. [that was the key at the 2nd image]

this is when yuuko asked for the exchange.. xD

woot woot~ xD but i like TSUBASA CHRONICLES the MOVIE more than xxxHOLIC the movie.. oh well.. ahihi..^^

i also listened to gackt’s korean songs.. xD haha.. [the whole album of LOVE LETTER - for Korean Dears and also the 12gatsu no love song - Korean] he really is sooooo AMAZING!! <3<3 this post’s title is "MEMORIES", ‘coz i was listening to the song memories when i wrote this.. xD

i also went to school today, because a speaker had a lecture about journalism.. it’s a crappy day.. he called me.. dumb and stupid.. [yeah, right..] he’s insulting a lot of other people by saying that.. haha!! oh well.. he also said that WE DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO ASPIRE AS A WRITER..

fuck him..

†•lost in my thoughts•†

today, i went to school to attend our recognition day.. ^_^ i was awarded 1st honor of 3rd year.. some people said that i earned it, that i deserve it.. all of them thought that it was all me, but no.. it’s also because of HIM..

thank you so much for making me strong.. thank you for making me feel that someone’s there.. that someone will be PROUD if ever i got this award.. i don’t know how i’ll thank you, but i promise.. one day, i’ll be a great person that you’ll be PROUD of.. i’ll keep this up, so that when the time comes, i’ll be able to say "I DID IT!!" i want to see your satisfied smile.. i want to hear you say, "YOU DID GREAT.." that’s why i’m doing all these..

you’re my inspiration.. my goal.. you’re everything i ever want to be.. you made it, and i WILL, too!

none of my family members came to the recognition day, like last year.. but it didn’t matter.. i already know that they’re proud.. sure, at first, i was really down, because i thought that someone would go because i’m TOP 1.. but hey, i can’t do anything about it.. xD every time i have an achievement, it seems that it’s not good enough to be acknowledged.. maybe it’s because my brother, my sister and i are all smart and talented.. oh well~

thank you for being there.. i looked at the audience.. you were there, smiling at me.. you were at the very front, and your eyes were saying.. "i’m so proud of you.." at that time, i smiled.. and fought tears that were about to come out.. thank you so much.. thank you..

//~an imagination that i wished was true.. sing to me our song, and i’ll listen.. with all my heart~//

i love you so much..

†•well, not THAT big..•†

woot woot.. i’ve just received a text message from my adviser.. haha!! xD

congrats! Ikaw ang FIRST HONORS! Best n math, english n filipino. Practice on thurs at 9 to 12. U dserve it anak. M so hapi 4 u.

that’s what she SMSed.. i was like.. soooo shocked.. O_o;; i didn’t expect it.. i thought i was going to be top 2, as always.. but, no.. haha!! =3 i’m so happy!! yay yay yay!! i really can’t believe it!!

the truth is i was fine with being top 2, ‘coz i’ll also get those TOUR DVDs.. =3

oh right.. last night, i finished TSUBASA CHRONICLES season 1.. haha!! LAME ENDING!! it’s soooo lacking of something.. grrrr.. i’m gonna wait for the 2nd and 3rd season.. xD haha.. i also watch the movie.. it has awesome animations.. xD [nyao~] better than the series..

i’ve proven that having a guy in my life doesn’t mean LOW GRADES.. nyork nyork.. he serves as my inspiration.. in every quiz, exam, seat works, projects, i tried to do my best, because i want him to be PROUD of me.. xD

who’s the guy?? who else?!?! gaku-chan, of course.. ^_^

[04.01]

this is the first day of our vacation.. i started my vacation with a "fruits basket marathon"!! haha.. i watched the whole series of fruits basket today.. well, i already watched some of the episodes before, but i wanted to know the entire story.. it’s a nice anime..^^ i laughed and cried at some parts.. [i'm too sensitive] O_o;;

i admire tohru.. she has this stupid-girl thing going on, but she was still able to ease the sohmas’ sufferings.. maybe it’s ‘coz she stuck on being herself, and just said things from her heart..

i wish i can be like her.. *sigh*

oh well.. another thing happened.. *and here comes the GACKT part* O_o;; i cried last thursday night.. huwaaaa.. it was because i read an e-mail saying that gaku-chan would quit singing.. and i was like, "no.. NO.. NO!!!!!!!!" *cries* i really cried.. the reason was that he was going to marry someone.. O_o;;

well, let the girl-to-be-his-wife OWN him, but why does he have to quit singing?!?! *cries* that’s what i thought.. you see, last wednesday, my friend, cj, and i were talking about what would i do if something like that happened..

well, anyway, everything has been cleared up now.. *phew* well, it turns out that gaku-chan will be working on a drama.. he would need all the concentration in the world, but he’ll not quit.. xD

but.. if ever that day comes, if that day when gaku-chan leaves the music industry, i’ll always wait for his return.. and even if he doesn’t come back, i’ll still be thinking of him, because his songs will always play endlessly in my heart..

i didn’t think that vacation would be this boring.. for some reason, i feel a little bit lonely.. maybe it’s ‘coz i miss my classmates.. nah~ i doubt it.. the laughters?? nah~ it’s not that.. maybe it’s just the mere feeling of being with lots of people with different personalities.. *gah~ i am WEIRD* @_@

this day really passed by so quickly.. and up today, i still strive to survive and get by.. i’ve decided.. I WILL LIVE ON!!

"Sometimes people forget that they have the courage to live. But as long as they have something in their hearts, that courage will never vanish." ~Sakura; Tsubasa Chronicles